Pumpkine!
by ZaMaShi
Summary: Yukine is busy enough guiding Yato to be a well-known god of fortune. The last thing he needs is a literal truckload of pumpkins.
1. 1 of 4

A few weeks ago, I asked a friend (ikis on tumblr) to draw Yukine with pumpkins, and she replied, "and you do a fic to go with it!" I initially thought, nah, because writing fic requires you to have a plot. Yukine + Pumpkins is an idea for a picture, not a story... and then ten minutes later I had a well-rounded silly plot line revolving around Yukine and pumpkins.

Here it is. I hope you enjoy it.

Pumpkine!  
1/3

"Hear ye, hear ye!" Yato stomped a foot on the table, swinging his heavily bandaged arm, and beer can, in a graceless arabesque. "From this day forward, all in the land shall hear the tales of the - _hic_ \- god Ya - _hic_ \- Yato. A thousand years and more! There will be children's stories, movies, manga, and epic poems written. Yato, slayer of the… the evil. All the evil, ever!"

Bishamon cackled, and took a swig from a two liter bottle shochu. "Who's gonna write this loser a freaking epic?"

"OY! You wanna fight?! You'd be a squeaky reincarnated brat ten times over if it weren't for me," Yato shrieked.

"Fight an injured idiot?"

"How about Haikus?" Kofuku squealed.

"Haikus, Binbogami?! I accept the challenge!" Yato shrieked. He cleared his throat, a somber expression descended over his bright-red face. "Everyone listen."

"Honor the hero  
Slayer of all the evil  
Let's drink beer in honor."

Bishamon smacked the table. "You're drunk - _hic-_ Trash-god _._ You can't even compose a haiku."

"What?!"

"Yato, that's too long," Kofuku giggled. "Lemme try!

Respect the hero!  
Yato beheaded his dad  
Drink beer in honor!

Yato cheered. "Yes, Kofuku! Perfect 5-7-5 structure!"

Outside at the picnic table, the underage crowd had migrated away from the chaos. Hiyori went pale white. Her wide eyes shifted across to Yukine.

Yukine cringed, "She had to go into detail."

She gasped, hand covering her mouth. "Oh, I'm so, so sorry."

"No, it's okay," Yukine waved in dismissal. "Well, not really, but I wasn't even thinking about it. I knew I had to, and... Yato did it, really, I'm over it..."

"R…right." Hiyori directed a nervous smile down at the table. She carefully folded up the bag of potato chips in front of her. "You're brave, Yukine."

"Be glad you didn't see it."

Another roar of laughter came from inside.

"Should we stop them?" Hiyori asked.

Yukine thought about it. "Nah, let them celebrate. It's not like gods can get alcohol poisoning. I'm glad it's all over, and everyone's still here. Not to mention, Yato's got a lot of work ahead of him in order to become a well-known god of fortune."

"You're not going to let him have a break, are you?"

"Maybe long enough for the bandages to come off. But after that? You know he's a bum."

"If he hears you, he might pretend to be injured for weeks."

"Yeah…"

Yukine looked back inside. Yato was busy counting syllables on his fingers, now composing a haiku about his blessed vessel. Yukine couldn't express how lucky they'd gotten.

* * *

Yukine allowed a day for Yato to sleep off the alcohol, and then another week for him to regain full mobility. Then it was work.

Yukine wasn't lying when he said he wasn't thinking about the head. He had the future to worry about. What was a severed head in compared to Yato's severed lifeline? Yato was happy to lay in front of the TV and say, "as long as I have Hiyori!"

"Hiyori's one person. Have you considered the pressure you're putting on her? Ask her how stressed she was while you were running around with Kazuma," said Yukine. "Besides, she has her own life to live. She can't think about you 24/7."

"Right, right, right." Yato rolled away from Yukine, typing something on his phone. "I'll do something."

"Are you even listening? Give me that!"

"Hey, I'm talking to Hiyori! She hasn't answered yet—"

Yukine snatched up the flip phone. His complexion darkened as he read, "Hiyori, do you want to have babies."

"Yeah, Hiyori's children will also be my followers." The phone beeped in Yukine's hand, and Yato came clawing at Yukine's foot. "What'd she say?!"

"Hmm, let's see." Yukine took an unnecessarily long moment to read the message. It was one word. "She said 'No.'"

"She said no?!"

"What did you think she'd say? She's sixteen!"

Yukine knew very well, that if Yato was to become a famous god, he couldn't rely on other people to achieve. Not Hiyori, and especially not Yato. This was _his_ job. He decided to ask around for advice.

Never the less, his first consultation was close to home. An afternoon when Hiyori came to visit, Yukine sat her and Yato both at the table in the living room and gave a pencil and paper to each. To Yato, it was list everything you've done so far to try to become famous. To Hiyori, list ways things become famous among humans.

"Come on, Yukine. We've got _Hiyori._ I don't need to worry," Yato said, scuttling up close to her.

Hiyori whacked Yato with her pencil. "He's doing this for you. You owe it to him to be serious."

Even so, Hiyori did little writing. She stared at the paper, tapping her pencil in thought, as Yato's list grew.

After about three minutes, Yato had half a page, at which point he flopped down on the table and moaned. "Why do I have to list all my failures?"

"Because we need to see what doesn't work. What do you have so far?" Yukine reached for the list.

 _Delivery God Service_

 _-Grant all wishes_

 _Graffiti_

 _Business cards_

 _Flyers_

 _Sumo wrestling_

 _Samurai  
Ukiyo-e painter_

 _Doujinshi artist_

 _Record/sell CD_

 _Outdoor Karaoke_

 _Ninja Impersonation_

 _Idol_

 _Modeling_

 _Streaking_

 _Hitman_

 _Mime Performance_

 _Kabuki acting, female specialty_

 _Pro Surfing_

 _Pro Bowling_

 _Pro Shogi_

 _Pro Golf_

 _Public Executioner_

 _Meteorologist_

 _Hula Dancing_

"You've done all this stuff?!" Said Yukine. "And none of it worked?"

"People don't notice or remember us, Yukine. Except for Hiyori."

Yukine passed on the list. "Hiyori, what do you think?"

"Hey! I never said to give it to her!"

"I imagine it's really hard to stay in people's memories," Hiyori agreed, accepting the list. Her eyes widened a few times as she read. "Um, Yato, I remember you really well. You don't have to do this stuff again."

"So we know none of this works. Hiyori, what did you think of?"

"Well, it's not much but…" Hiyori pushed out a short list into the middle of the table. Yukine and Yato both leaned into look. "I mean, it's not easy to be famous like as a god. Yato's list sounds like he was trying to get people's attention short term. Even for normal people, if you get people's attention like that, they'll still be forgotten, you know? It's not enough. I think… I think you need to really effect people's lives in a big way to be really be remembered."

 _-emperors/kings/conquering_

 _-Stories….. Mickey Mouse?_

- _Buildings_

"Mickey Mouse?" Yato asked.

"People like characters and stories with appeal, and there's always some Mickey Mouse celebration in Disney Land. He's a character for kids and really well known. Gods are kinda like that too, don't you think? They're based in mythology that's passed down from old generations."

"That… kind of makes sense," said Yato.

"Yeah, but how would we get Yato to that point?"

"I'm not sure it's feasible, just … that's a way to become famous enough. I mean, Yato tried to do all this stuff to be noticed, but nothing worked," said Hiyori.

"Okay, what about buildings?"

"When I went on a field trip to Kyoto, all my class did was look at old buildings, temples, and shrines. They last a long time because they're tourist traps. And newer places become famous too, like Tokyo Tower. Yato, if you can get buildings or your name attached to a building or place, it doesn't even need to be that famous. People remember it because they go there. It's part of their life."

"I always dreamed of a grand shrine—"

"We need a lot of money to do something like that."

Last mentioned on the list was conquerors. "Historical figures you hear about in history class," said Hiyori. "The conquers, the greats, the emperors."

At this point Kofuku slipped by on her way to the kitchen. "Are you talking about making Yato famous like a conquerer?" She thought it was the best option on the list. All Yato needed to do was wantonly cause enough misery to enough people as possible, and people would acknowledge him.

"Think of Tenjin!" Kofuku told them. "He became a deity after flooding the old capital and causing hundreds of deaths among the royal families. Really, all Yato needs to do is cause misery and destruction to enough people, and they'll start praying to him to stop."

"We're not destroying _anything!_ " Said Yukine.

Kofuku pouted and left them alone. Yato sighed.

"Why are you acting disappointed?" Yukine snapped. "It wouldn't work anyways. There's science and stuff. People would think of a million other reasons bad things happen before blaming you."

Yato flopped over on the table. "Hiyori, isn't there an easier way to get famous? Some other popular things?"

"I guess, but most popular things now a days are just fads. A few people will like it, then everyone jumps on board, then they forget about it. I was trying to think long term."

"But if I can get on board with a fad, maybe I can use it as a stepping stone and get to

Mickey Mouse level," said Yato. Hiyori didn't answer him. "What kind of fads are there now?"

"Something like, memes? YouTube? Halloween is popular now…"

* * *

The more Yukine thought about it, Hiyori was right. Yato's options were Destruction, Mickey Mouse, or Buildings. Suddenly, Yato's history of blabbing about a shrine sounded downright reasonable. They needed a lot of money. Therefore, Ebisu was the next person who Yukine visited for guidance.

Ebisu loved making money. He was quick to accept the request, and invited Yukine to his study in his residence in Takamagahara. He had only recently passed four feet tall, but he offered the most practical advice. "I think the clearest option for you is investments."

"Aren't investments kind of like the lottery? Buy something like bit coin and hope to get lucky? I don't think Yato would be good at that," said Yukine. In fact, he was certain they'd be broke in a week.

"No, no, you don't want him gambling in crypto currency," said Ebisu. "You need a diverse, well balanced portfolio that will appreciate overtime. Start out with a base of blue chip stocks with guaranteed dividends, utilities for example, and since the economy is in an uptick, perhaps pick a few startups with potential, maybe with a beta of 1.2 or greater, but less than 3. Let me show you."

And then Ebisu was pulling up company profiles on his computer screen, jabbering away like stocks were the most exciting thing in the world. "I have copies of all the recent interim financial statements for analysis here." Ebisu swung his feet in front of him as he opened a file, and the tips of his shoelaces _click-clicked_ on the base of the chair. "Of course, gods and shinki have a huge advantage in terms of longevity, but you still need to watch the NAV for signs of trouble."

Yukine heard syllables turn into words, and words gather into sentences, all in grammatically correct structures. A small hand shook Yukine's arm. Eyes too big for their face glistened with worry.

"Yukine? Yukine, are you okay?" Ebisu asked.

Yukine snapped back into focus. "Sorry what?"

"I asked how much liquid capital you have to start with, and your eyes sort of glazed over. Are you feeling okay?"

"Oh, no, I'm okay. It's just kinda hard to follow."

"If you'd like, I can have Kunimi bring you a juice box. They come with really cool Power Ranger straws."

"Ah, no thanks, what were you asking…?"

"Liquid capital? You know, cash or other assets, such as monetary instruments, stocks or bonds, that can be easily converted into cash."

"Um…Yato isn't good at saving money, and I think I have almost ten thousand now…"

Ebisu expressed confusion. "Did you mean ten thousand dollars? Are you investing in foreign currency?"

"No, it's yen."

"Oh. You're gonna need more than that."

So they needed some more money. Not enough to build a shrine, but enough to set aside to grow. Yukine decided his first goal would be for 100,000 yen. He didn't think he'd ever had that much money at once. He had never needed that much money. Who ever thought that stocks were expensive?

Yukine set out to squeeze in a few yen here or there. He did chores, went with Yato on delivery god jobs, and peeked in vending machines for forgotten change. Then out of nowhere, they got lucky. Although not among humans, Yato had gained notoriety among the gods, and somehow, word got around that he did odd jobs. Requests started trickling in, and soon, there were 20 to 50 ayakashi in need of slaying every day.

Yukine decided to be Yato's agent… and arranged fees 100 times higher than the typical 5 yen. He didn't say anything. It wasn't like 500 yen was a tough sell, still far below minimum wage, and Yukine found that the cash box he hid at Hiyori's house was steadily filling up. Three weeks in, he had reached the goal of 100,000 yen.

Yato seemed to be taken in with writing his phone number in weird places and jumping on fads, though. Yukine humored him. They were moving forward on a very long road. They had time.

In retrospect, Yukine should have paid closer attention when they went out to the shopping center, and Yato insisted on buying a pumpkin hat. Or the time he was chatting it up after clearing ayakashi at the farmers market. Or the time he pointed out the newest Halloween limited edition Capybara.

* * *

The first hints of sunshine and an early October chill seeped their way into the attic. The birds were awake, Yukine's futon was warm and fluffy, the morning would have been peaceful, were Yato not hovering inches from Yukine's face signing his name in twelve syllables instead of three.

"Yu-u-u-ki-i-i-i-ne-e-e-e-e! Wake up!" Yato's eyes sparkled.

Yukine felt beginnings of a cold sweat, hairs rising on the back of his neck. Enthusiasm from Yato never predicated good things, and certainly not high amounts of it early in the morning. Yukine was awake.

"What?"

"Come outside. Wait till you see this!"

Half way down the stairs, Yukine recognized the deep base growl of a commercial truck. Daikoku and Kofuku were already awake and outside. Kofuku leaned into the fence giggling, Daikoku squinting into the sun as he waved to the truck driver.

The driver cut the engine and hopped out. "Howdy, y'all! I've got a delivery for Yato. Come on back and I'll open up the hatch." The driver waved his cowboy hat for everyone to follow.

Yato came running. "Yeah, that's me! Daikoku, Yukine, help me unload!"

When the back door opened, Yukine saw red- no – orange. Fat orange gourds, piled up from the floor of the trailer until their stems scratched the roof. In that moment, Yukine knew they filled the whole truck.

Yukine could only gape, between the orange, the truck, and Yato grinning like the capybaras came to town. "What in the world is this? Have you lost your freaking mind?!"

"I had a vision. Yukine, we're selling pumpkins!"


	2. 2 of 4

Pumpkine! 2/4

Before this moment, Yukine never would have considered how easily Kofuku's living room would fit into the back of a semi-truck. Indeed, the living room would slide in with enough space to spare for the entire kitchen to be stuffed in as well. Adding the bedroom or attic would exceed the trailer's capacity, but the hall or the bath might make the squeeze. This was relevant because the pumpkins loaded in the back of the truck did not represent a flat area that could be folded up and stuffed in a closet. There were enough pumpkins to fill the living room, kitchen, and bath, floor to ceiling.

Yato threw an arm around Yukine's shoulder. "You remember when Hiyori was talking about fads being a source of popularity? You know October's fad? Halloween! It's gotten huge! A few years ago, no one knew about it, then the marketers swept in, and now there are decorations, costumes, parades, Halloween themed anime figurines."

"So you got pumpkins? I've never seen so many. Ever," said Yukine.

"Exactly! Halloween is popular, but no one sells pumpkins. We're jumping on the front end of a fad. We're gonna make a killing!" said Yato.

" _No one sells pumpkins?"_ Yukine repeated. "How are we supposed to sell pumpkins if no one else sells them? You have some sort of plan?"

"We'll put up signs."

"Where did you even get the idea to buy a bunch of pumpkins?!" Yukine hissed.

"I bought them from Joe, here," Yato waved over to the truck driver. Joe patted a pumpkin from the back of the trailer. "And he gave me a secret insider deal too." Yato dropped his voice to whisper in Yukine's ear.

"You're kidding."

"In four weekly installments."

Yukine let out a slow breath. The pumpkins were still on the truck. Maybe not all hope was lost. If he could get Joe to take them back, even if it were at half price, perhaps the disaster could be avoided. "Hey, Yato," Yukine paused, deciding on a plausible way to distract Yato for a few minutes. "Why don't you go find some work gloves to move the pumpkins?"

"Great idea, Yukine!" Yato ran off to find gloves.

As soon as he was distracted, Yukine ran up to the back of the truck. "Hey, are you Joe?"

"Sure am, kid, Joe Hisaishi. You ready to move some pumpkins?"

"About that, Mr. Hisaishi! So, I work for Yato—"

"You don't say?" Joe's face lit up, and he flashed Yukine a thumbs-up. "That man is a gift from heaven! You're one lucky kid."

"I'm sorry?"

"I'm ashamed to say I'd lost hope before I came across his phone number. I was afraid I couldn't find a buyer for my crop," said Joe, wiping a tear from his eye. "Farming's a tough business, and with all of my wife's recent medical bills, I haven't been able to keep up with our regular expenses. I already applied for an extension on the mortgage payment for six months, but still don't have enough to make ends meet. I was afraid we'd have to build an outhouse after losing our running water and spend the winter freezing cold after losing our electricity, but thanks to Yato, it looks like we'll weather the hard times and pull through!"

Somehow, Yukine lost his resolve.

Yato got the gloves. Kofuku brought over a wagon and wheelbarrow. They formed a pumpkin chain, where Joe passed the pumpkins off the truck to Yukine and Kofuku, who then loaded them in either the wheelbarrow or wagon, which Daikoku or Yato rolled away to stack pumpkins around the yard. Then after smashing four pumpkins, Kofuku was assigned an alternative task of painting cardboard 'pumpkins for sale' signs to post around the park.

Yukine had counted some 200 pumpkins, at which point his arms were trembling from excessive weight lifting, Yato had created a six-meter pumpkin pyramid, the fairly sizeable yard was morphing into an in-navigable orange maze, Daikoku was threatening to call the city dump to pick up the pumpkins, and Kofuku had an "Adorable!" fist-sized squash adorned with a pink bow, sitting it on the porch. They'd barely made a dent in the trailer.

Hiyori showed up an hour later, and judging by her school uniform and pink cord, she was skipping class. Yukine felt a visceral sob as she gawked at the truck, the state of the yard, the expanse of pumpkins. She gave one nervous glance to Yato dancing around the second pumpkin pyramid, and waved to Yukine, where he sat, now retired, on the front porch.

Yukine would have waved back if he could still move his arms.

Hiyori made her way over, her expression awash with bewilderment as she stepped over pumpkins. "What _happened_ here? I've been trying to contact Yato all morning. He sent out this crazy group text to like, twenty different numbers."

"What text?"

"It said, 'Hurry, it's an emergency, and bring money,' so I figured no one would come."

"Well, here's your emergency," said Yukine, only slightly surprised to hear his voice float away empty, wispy, devoid of all hope. "Yato bought a literal truckload of pumpkins. He thinks we can sell them."

"… I guess I'll tell the others that it's not a real emergency."

"Save for the fact that every yen I've earned is going down the drain for pumpkins."

"Is it that bad?" Hiyori asked.

"What, you think Yato has money for anything?"

Seeing no actual emergency, Hiyori returned to school. Unloading the pumpkins took up the rest of the morning. The 'pumpkins for sale' signs went up in the afternoon.

Managing the Pumpkin Patch

Day One

Their first potential customers wandered in that afternoon: Two high school girls who got out their cell phones and started taking pictures. There were giggles, exchanges of, "Wow!" "This is incredible!" "Wow, they're so big!" "They're everywhere!" "Look at this one, it's got warts."

"Don't touch it, Erika! It's probably rotten."

"No, I think it's supposed to be ugly. Try to pick one up. They're sooo heavy! Can you imagine carrying one of these things home? My mom and I bought watermelons at the grocery store once. We walked half a block home and had to call a taxi."

More giggles. "We'll roll the pumpkin to the train station. If people stare, we pretend it's a soccer ball."

"What do people even do with these? Do you cook them?"

"Maybe. I thought they carved them for decoration. It sounds really hard."

"Ow! I got a splinter from the stem."

"I told you not to pick it up! It's not like we're buying it."

Day Three

Yato dragged a picnic table around from the shop and hung up a paper sign for checkout. Yukine manned the station, so far selling a grand total of nothing.

"Yukine, we have to up our advertising with actual jack o' lanterns." Yato dumped a pumpkin on the table, complete with a kitchen knife stabbed in the top.

Yukine's first thought was, "You're ruining the merchandise!"

"Display examples are a necessity. I've done the math. At wholesale, the average pumpkin cost about 300 yen- but they're a rare find here in Japan. They retail at ten times that. _Ten times!_ If we sell even half of our supply, the cost of creating display examples won't amount to scratch."

" _Three thousand yen?"_ said Yukine. At 500 yen an hour, that was six hours of work. It was enough money to feed 5 or 6 people at a fast food restaurant. "Wait, is that the price you put on the sign?"

"Well, the larger pumpkins we'll sell for more. Four thousand is more appropriate. Like I said, once we get these pumpkins on display, we're making a killing."

Yukine did a double take at the orange thing in front of him. "Who in their right mind would pay that much for a pumpkin?!"

"You don't believe me?! I did my research." Yato produced photo evidence: a local florist, with a pumpkin on sale for 3500 yen.

Yukine's pumpkin barely got two eyes and a nose before the knife got stuck and the handle broke off. There it stayed, broken knife stabbing in the jack-o-lantern in the face where its mouth should have been. It sat in front of the 'pumpkins for sale' sign by half a dozen of Yato's creations—An intricate twisting leaf pattern. A brilliantly detailed swan, splashing in the lake. A full carousel, complete with horses, carriages, and children riding. The unmistakable profile of Kim Jong Un.

Day Four

Yukine stared out into the orange sea, possessed by the thought that Yato had actually bought something with retail value, and due to his and Yato's status as far shore beings, combined with poor salesmanship, hundreds of Halloween pumpkins were going to rot away and not earn them anything. He did the math.

3,000 yen a pumpkin, with this many here? Yeah, right- but 600? Maybe 800? If they could actually sell these things, they could break even. They could _profit._ And yet, Yukine sat silent, undisturbed, at the checkout table, hopes dwindling. They only had a few weeks. After Halloween, there would be no use in selling them.

He found himself asking more important questions: How much would it cost to call a dump truck? How long would he need to work a minimum wage job to cover the cost of purchasing the pumpkins? Who would hire a dead junior high school kid?

They needed a different strategy.

Day Eight

It was a Sunday, and Hiyori was at the pumpkin patch up bright and early. She had an idea. "You're not going to believe it. I was out shopping yesterday and saw a holiday store selling Halloween things and pumpkins, the big orange ones, just like yours! The manager said they were popular and selling out. Maybe they'll buy more."

Yukine was doubtful, but with current pumpkin sales being non-existent, he and Yato agreed to accompany her. Half an hour later, they'd arrived at the designated shop. Yato put a hand on Hiyori's shoulder. "I think you're confused."

She bit her lip. "No, look, it says Holiday Store. This is it. I swear."

"You sure?" asked Yukine.

Hiyori's head bobbed up and down, from the storefront to the map on her phone. The three of them had gone around the mall twice and ended up back at the same spot. "Yeah, it has to be. It's the same address, same store name. I was just here yesterday. I swear, they had skeletons and pumpkins in the window!"

"This window?" Yato threw a thumb. "What's today's date?"

"October 10th," Yukine replied, head cocked at the display: a plastic fir tree, candy canes, snowflakes, reindeer, and a perimeter sparkling with white lights. "Maybe they're inside?"

Hiyori went ahead and pushed open the door. A life-size Santa greeted them as soon as they stepped in. There was a tree decorated with peppermints, a snowman display, gingerbread houses, a row of bows and wreaths. Sleigh bells jingled from the store speakers. Hiyori looked around with her jaw hanging half open. She pointed to a wall of ornaments. "This is the place, I know it. They had costumes over there."

"Actually, there's a Halloween display in the back," said Yukine.

'Halloween Display' was too kind a word. A dozen or so costumes hung on a lonely rack, and below them, a plastic pumpkin turned upside down. An array of orange, black, goblins and monsters overflowed from a large bin labeled '80% OFF.'

"Uh… Let me ask someone." Hiyori slipped away to find a manager.

Yukine slumped in defeat. They were too late. He didn't have much hope, regardless.

"Hey, Yukine! Look at this!" In the time it took Yukine to blink, Yato toppled over the clearance bin. He yanked out a large black cape and flapped it like a matador. "Only 200 yen!"

"No!"

"Yato, you spent all our hard-earned money on a truckload of pumpkins. We're not buying anything."

"For 200 yen? It's a sin not to!"

"Put it back."

"I found vampire teeth, too! I _vant_ your blood!"

"You already put them in your mouth?!"

"Here, you try them–"

"Ew, no!"

Six o'clock in the evening, the street lights were turning on as Yukine, Yato, and Hiyori trudged back to Kofuku's house. After failure to resell pumpkins to the holiday store, there was one thing left: They grabbed a wagon, stuffed it with pumpkins, and went looking for customers. Yato knocked on doors. Hiyori handed out flyers. Yukine made offers to street vendors. Now they pulled the wagon, still full of pumpkins, through the park, back to the house.

Hiyori was exhausted, Yato kept saying, 'next time, next time!' and even worse, he had gotten the stupid vampire costume. Yukine had about had enough.

"Next time, what? How much have we sold?"

"Next time, we'll hit up a rich neighborhood."

"And what makes you think they want pumpkins?"

"For Halloween, for carving—"

When they reached the shop, Daikoku was waiting for them. "Oy! Yato, you've got visitors out front. Kofuku's trying to keep them occupied."

The three exchanged glances, left the wagon, and headed to the front of the house. Kofuku had a giant stew pot sitting on the checkout table, doling out a stringy, goopy orange soup to the guests—one of whom spat it out on the ground. She didn't seem to mind.

Yukine's eyes widened as soon as he saw them. "Oh no."

Kofuku gave them a grin and wave. "Yaa–to! You've got guests!"

And then the guest was storming his way up to the deck, grand long-reaching steps, black hair flying, features alight with fury. Takemikazuchi grabbed Yato by his fluff scarf and snarled in his face. "You, false god! You dare send out a ridiculous text message and keep me waiting for hours!"

Yato, oddly unaffected by the shouting in his face, scrunched his eyebrows in confusion. "A text? I didn't send you anything."

"Then I'll refresh your memory." Takemikazuchi shuffled around in his pocket and pulled out his iPhone. He tapped the screen, impatient, pulled it up to his nose and tapped again. "Kiun! It's locked again."

A soft sigh came from behind Takemikazuchi, as Kiun stepped up and took the phone. Without a word, Kiun entered the code and passed it back. Takemikazuchi tapped the screen again. "Here it is. 'Hurry, it's an emergency, and bring money.'"

"Oh! Oh-ho ho!" Yato chuckled, sliding away like a slimy sardine. "You don't check your phone often, do you? _No_ _problemo_! Did you bring money?"

"Kiun."

Kiun handed his master a rather large cloth purse. Takemikazuchi raised it ahead of him for all to see, and then let it drop. It hit the wooden deck with a resonant _clunk._ "I brought money."

All eyes locked on the purse. The sound was not the thud of cash, nor the clink of coins. "In what currency?" said Yato.

And Takemikazuchi said: "Gold."

Yato slipped an arm around Takemikazuchi's shoulder, taking him down the steps. "See, I've started a new business, always rough when you get started. I would so greatly appreciate your help to make things stay afloat. Are you familiar with Halloween? No? American holiday, probably my favorite cultural import I've seen in years. Kofuku, do me a favor and get the lights for the yard?"

"Sure thing!"

Kofuku hopped back up on the deck, and slipped inside to flip the switch. Bright lights flashed over the yard full of pumpkins. Yato released Takemikazuchi and picked up a pumpkin to explain its features. Takemikazuchi looked like he'd taken a bite of rotten fish and was trying not to spit it out.

Yukine tugged on Hiyori's sleeve with an imperative whisper. "I've got a bad feeling. You think we might want to…"

"Get out of the way?" said Hiyori, already backing up into the house.

"—an intricate part of the Halloween experience. They're called 'pumpkins.' The idea is to carve them."

"A target practice game for humans?"

"Not quite. For decoration, actually. The inside of the gourd is hollowed out and the outer skin and flesh are made into an artistic design. A small candle is placed inside to present a pleasant glow. Perhaps I can show you an example? The carving knife is still here on the table."

Yato set a pumpkin on the table and got to work sawing of the top. Takemikazuchi threw his head back and laughed. "Are you trying to make a fool out of yourself, cutting up that thing with an inferior blade?"

"Ah, yes. This is how humans carve pumpkins, though I admit, as a selling point, I have been having a problem with that lately. Many of my customers think carving pumpkins is _too hard."_

"Pitiful. Step aside, and I'll show you how to chop up targets. Come, _Ouki!"_

Kiun wasn't given an instant to register a protest. Takemikazuchi grasped his sword and swung. The blade slit the pumpkin straight through the middle, sending stringy orange insides flying into the yard.

Yato shook his head, a heavy mask of disappointment. "Yes, I figured it would be too hard."

"What?!"

"No restraint. That poor innocent pumpkin, unnecessarily slain. You want to cut off the top so that the seeds can be removed," Yato sighed.

Takemikazuchi glared.

"Perhaps you'd like to try again? We do have plenty of pumpkins, of course, they are rare produce in Japan, so I cannot offer them to you for free."

A snarl. "Give me the pumpkin."

Countered by an ear to ear grin. "Right away!"

A second pumpkin was placed on the table. A flash of the sword, and it, too, flew across the yard in sticky orange pieces.

Yato rubbed his temples. "Still too much force. Your technique is severely lacking precision."

Take gaped at Yato, then looked to his sword. "Did you hear him, Kiun? — What, you're blaming the target? —Yes, this is important!" After a long glare at the sword, he faced Yato once again. He picked up a third pumpkin and set it on the table. "I'd like to see you do better. Summon your vessel."

"I accept your challenge! Come, _Sekki!_ "

Yukine was inside the living room when his body turned to light. From Yato's hands, he saw a splattering of pumpkin guts spread across the yard, and Takemikazuchi with his sword. "Yato! What are you doing!"

"We're carving this pumpkin. Are you ready?"

"Using _Me?!"_

"Don't let me down, Yukine!" And Yato crossed the double swords in front of him and swung.

Yukine had barely an instant to draw a proper borderline. He slid through the pumpkin rind like water. The top shot straight up, ten meters into the air, and fell on the ground. The body of the pumpkin remained intact. "First try, nice job, Yukine! Now to clean out the insides—"

Yukine glowered. "Let me go."

Yato took the shorter sword to scrap the insides. "Hold your horses. We have to put a face on it."

The table shook, the weight of another pumpkin slammed onto the target area. Takemikazuchi had sparks in his eyes, grinning like mad. "This time, Kiun, _you will not fail me."_ He swung his sword.

He hit the pumpkin with a sharp _crack!_ The pumpkin flew, and with it, a blinding light leapt from the sword. It shot out into the yard with a booming clap of thunder, the largest object in the vicinity drawing in the electric current—

"Take cover!" Yato dove for the ground as lighting hit the pumpkin pyramid. A split-second pause followed the flash, and then, they exploded. Pumpkin seeds and guts flung into the air, orange debris turned projectile, aimed every which way with the speed and force of bullets. A window cracked. Kofuku shrieked, Hiyori screamed. Something hit the roof hard enough to elicit a _crunch._ Birds took off flying from the trees. A section of the fence toppled over.

Kofuku started giggling, Daikoku came running to see the damage. Yato pushed himself to his knees. What remained of the pumpkin pyramid was now on fire.

So Yukine told Yato again, " _Let me go._ "

Yato let out a shaky breath. "Yuki."

Yukine stood by Yato's side, lips tight, and sucked in the aroma of roasting pumpkins. Yato was laughing. Kofuku was laughing. Takemikazuchi looked smug. Because being a god clearly meant they had no common sense.

Yukine was right by the table, and seeing the large pot of pumpkin soup, immediately decided it would be a very good idea to pick it up and dump it on Yato's head. So he did, and dropped the pot on him for good measure. "Don't come asking me for help with this mess," said Yukine. He pivoted on the spot and went back inside.


	3. 3 of 4

**Pumpkine!**

 **Part 3**

Kofuku sat on the bathroom floor, perfectly clothed and dry. Her knees curled up to her chest, her lower lip turned up in a pout, and dried tears streaked down her face. She sniffled. "Yato, why is Daikoku so mad at me…."

"Don't worry." Yato had pulled the plastic cover over the bathtub and climbed on top. He leaned into the wall, busy with an old toothbrush, trying to pry open the small, small bathroom window, high above the tub. "We'll squeeze through here as soon as I get it open."

"B… but Daikoku said we have to stay in here." Another sniffle. "Just because we sold the gold bar and went to the horse races. We didn't even get to go play pachinko…"

"Jerk didn't have to draw a borderline in the doorway."

"Jerk?!" Kofuku piped up in defense.

"Yeah, to turn against his own master and lock her in the bathroom with me? Exercise some control over your shinki, _Binbogami!_ "

"Well, what about yours?" Kofuku sneered. "It's been three days."

Yato went back to his task with the toothbrush. "Yeah, yeah. Shinki get all upset about money."

"Do you even know where Yukine is?"

"Kofuku, not right now. I think I got—" The toothbrush snapped in half. Yato lost his balance and took an unfortunate step on the bathtub cover. Being a combination of cheap, old, and not designed to hold the weight of a person, the plastic cracked. Yato's leg plunged straight through.

He let out a high-pitched yelp of 'my leg!'

Kofuku clambered off the floor and over to the tub. It was moderately deep, so with Yato's leg reaching the bottom, the cracked and broken plastic cover came to the mid-thigh range. His other leg stuck out awkwardly on top. It wasn't a clean break either, with sharp plastic ripping up Yato's pants.

Kofuku gasped, "Oh no! You're bleeding!"

"I know! Help me!"

"Um, um—" Kofuku grabbed the edge of the plastic cover to roll it back. Yato shrieked- the movement further jamming plastic into his leg.

"We have to get you out," said Kofuku.

"Not like that!"

"What about… can you move?"

Yato whimpered.

Kofuku bit her lip. Instinctively, she turned towards the exit, where Daikoku's borderline served as their prison gate. "Oh no… Oh no, Yato, I can't even get help. We're really stuck in here."

"Kofuku." Yato steadied his voice. "You have to go through the window."

"The window?! Me?!"

"There's no one else here."

Kofuku looked up to the window with newfound perspective. By its size, she supposed she could fit through, but there was still the issue of getting it open. "I don't think we've ever opened that window. I don't know if it opens or not."

"It opens! I got it to crack a little with the toothbrush."

"Are you sure?" Kofuku squinted up, and as if to prove Yato right, a fly found its way through the small crack. It buzzed around and landed on the showerhead. "Oh, I guess you did get it open. But how do I get up to the window with you stuck there?"

"I'll push."

"What about your leg?"

Therein followed a quick discussion of window escape logistics. Kofuku and Yato experimented with moving the bathtub cover and somehow managed to scoot Yato out of the direct path to the exit. They were able to fold up a corner so Kofuku could climb on the edge of the tub without inflicting further suffering. So she took off her socks, and with purple-painted toenails perched on the edge of the bathtub, Kofuku gave the window the best shove she could. With a reluctant popping noise, it opened to the outside. Ten more flies came buzzing in.

"You got it!" said Yato.

"I got it!" said Kofuku.

"Now get out!"

Yato gave Kofuku the best lift he could manage form his compromised position. As luck would have it, she was petite and the perfect candidate for window escape. A pink head of curls popped out the window into the side yard, followed by arms, shoulders and torso.

From her position, Kofuku had a good view of the front yard. Plenty of pumpkins were still available for sale— two smaller pyramids remained (only the largest had suffered the wrath of lighting), as well as the orange sea spilling over the lawn, porch, driveway, shop, and tables. As for collateral damage, a few centuries with Kofuku had made quite the handyman out of Daikoku. He'd already replaced the broken windows and was up front hammering away on the fence. All things considered; a state of decency had been restored.

And then Kofuku realized where the unfortunate pumpkin pyramid had gone. There in the side yard, heaped up directly below the bathroom window, were the scorched, rotting pumpkin remains and the hundreds if not thousands of flies that had arrived for the feast.

Kofuku absorbed the sight in horror.

Yato called out from inside. "Think you can you climb down?"

"I'M COMING BACK IN!"

"What?! What do you mean— My leg's still stuck and bleeding!"

The pumpkin pyramid had been huge. Gigantic. Even half obliterated by lighting, the surviving mound of mold, decay and slime reached half way up the wall to the window. Half way up to Kofuku. The scent of mildew and vinegar floated up from the pumpkins, and the flies... The gleaming metallic eyes, translucent wings, hair legs on shiny black bodies, buzzing, crawling, slurping goop and laying eggs.

Kofuku wriggled back.

"What are you doing?!" On the other side, Yato caught Kofuku's leg. She pushed her herself back in. Yato pushed her back out.

"NO!" Kofuku kicked wildly, trying to free herself. "THE FLIES!"

"Forget the flies, what about my leg?!" Even injured, Yato had the upper hand. He pushed.

Kofuku was now upside-down, dangling out the window. One more shove from Yato, and she'd be diving head first into the compost pile. The flies took note of the noise and panic, and crawled around in agitation.

 _The roof_! If Kofuku could get a hold of the roof, a minor act of acrobatics would safely place her out of reach of the flies. Frantically, Kofuku pushed up from the wall of the house. She crawled up with her arms and twisted around to get hold of the roof.

When she grabbed the closest roof tile, it cracked.

The flies below were already prepared for trouble when the broken roof tile went thud in a pumpkin rind. In unison, they rose like a great black cloud. The sheer size of the swarm guaranteed that Kofuku's next breath would not be insect free. She had no choice but to act in self-defense.

"KOKKI!"

* * *

Yukine met up with Hiyori after school. The address was, coincidentally, a café a block away from Iki General Hospital. Yukine had beaten her there and taken a seat behind a plastic tree. He craned his neck to see who was coming in, and stood to wave Hiyori over when she entered.

Yukine had shopping bag to give her, bright gold with rhinestones. He passed it over when she arrived. "I wasn't sure what to get but… Ah, also your change is in there."

"Let's see." Hiyori opened the sack and pulled out a Korean face mask. "Oh, this is perfect! Mom loves these. And the lipstick too."

Yukine's shoulders sagged in relief. Sent on an errand to a make-up store, he had no idea what to get. For once, he was glad no one noticed him looking through facial creams and lip stick.

Hiyori reached around to her school bag and pulled out her wallet. She presented Yukine with three 1000-yen notes. "Here. This should make enough for the first payment."

"What? That's more than—"

"Take it. You've earned at least this much. Although, I'm afraid I can't cover much more."

It felt a bit like swallowing a mouthful of molasses. Yukine ducked his head and made himself smile. "Thanks."

"I suppose I should order us something as well. You like iced vanilla, no- caramel, right?"

"Hiyori, you don't need to buy me—"

But she was already bouncing off to get drinks. There was no stopping her, so Yukine dropped the thought and sat down behind the tree.

Yukine had stormed out of Kofuku's house Sunday evening. Yato had come complaining that Yukine embarrassed him in front their guests. Yukine told Yato how exactly childish, stupid, and irresponsible he was. He didn't think he'd ever been so mad. One more day of stupid pumpkins, and Yukine was sure he'd smash something. Preferably in Yato's face.

He was still a bit embarrassed. Not that he'd snapped at Yato, but that Hiyori heard all of it, tracked him down, and when Yukine strongly expressed his intent not to return… He found himself a place on her couch. He was calm by Monday morning, although there was a bright orange eraser on Hiyori's desk that struck a visceral nerve.

Yukine reached in his jacket pocket for a certain white envelope. He opened the top and slid in the 3,000 yen from Hiyori.

Yato was still in debt, which meant Yukine was in debt. He had counted out his secret stash of cash and came out just short of the first payment to Mr. Hisaishi. Hiyori asked her parents for extra allowance and earned a page long list of chores. Yukine had pulled weeds, washed laundry, and run a dozen errands for Mrs. Iki, the last of which was a trip to the beauty store. Despite his protests that she didn't need to help, Hiyori felt obligated to join in. With two people, they'd get it done twice as fast.

And now, naturally, she bought him coffee. "Here's yours and a cookie." Hiyori set the items on the table beside him.

Swallowing molasses. Again. "Thanks," said Yukine.

The door to the shop opened. Yukine jolted, turned and squinted between the plastic leaves to see who had come in. It was a couple of women around Hiyori's mom's age. He'd never seen them before, so he turned back to his coffee.

"Yukine." Hiyori's voice was twenty degrees colder. "Are you hiding behind a tree because…?"

Yukine didn't reply.

"Yato's coming, isn't he? You're not gonna hiding behind a tree, you're going to talk to him, right?"

"No. I'm here because Yato _might_ be coming, but he probably won't, so someone needs to pay Mr. Hisaishi."

"Yato asked if I'd seen you," said Hiyori.

"Did you say anything?"

"I haven't replied. Are you sure you're not going back?"

"Maybe in November."

Hiyori gaped. "Until November?"

"Ah… I can stay somewhere else. I don't want to—"

"That's not what I meant."

Yukine slipped his cookie out of the wrapper and froze. It was a pumpkin cookie. Orange icing, jack o' lantern face. He had to remember to shut his jaw.

"I'm so sorry, is it that bad?" said Hiyori. "I thought they were cute."

Yukine snapped the pumpkin cookie into pieces. "It's fine, thanks."

Hiyori sighed. She sat back and sipped on her coffee. "I can try to talk to him. He should at least _try_ to be reasonable after all you do for him."

"All I do for him…" Yukine laughed. "You know how he is. He wants to be a god of fortune but can't hold onto a hundred yen for a day. He can't take care of himself. He has no concept of planning for the future, it's just one stupid thing after the next."

Hiyori and Yukine ended up waiting for an hour and a half. Every few minutes, someone new would come in, and Yukine would watch from behind the tree. They saw Bishamon rush by out the window, decked out for battle, armor, lion, and weapons. She was gone in an instant, or they would have said hello. Around five o'clock, Hiyori needed to go meet her mom.

"They were supposed to be here by now, weren't they?" she asked.

Yukine didn't have a phone number to call Mr. Hisaishi, and Yato wasn't answering Hiyori. "I think I know what happened," he said.

"Hm?"

"It's pretty obvious if you think about it. Yato's not here because he's useless. Mr. Hisaishi's not coming because he forgot Yato exists."

They headed out. Yukine had nothing else to do, so he walked Hiyori down the street to meet her mom at the hospital. Of course, Joe Hisaishi forgot just like every other human. All the living people would forget Yato, and then he'd die.

As they reached the hospital, Hiyori shot Yukine an idea. "Didn't Mr. Hisaishi give Yato the address of that café? And his wife is in the hospital?" It was a long shot, but Hiyori slipped behind the service counter. She tapped the name into the computer.

"One Hisaishi," said Hiyori. "Female. Room 521."

"521." Yukine repeated. "I'll go check."

Hiyori was off to meet her mom. Yukine to room 521. His pocket was heavy with months' worth of mundane chores. Not one yen for a pumpkin. If the guy forgot Yato owed him money, didn't that meant Yukine could keep it?

He swallowed the thought. Yukine didn't need the money. He needed Joe Hisaishi to remember. And despite Hiyori's misconception, Yukine wasn't doing this for Yato. Not in the least. Hiyori was human and she would die. When Yato's lifeline died, he would disappear. And then Yukine would be alone.

Forever.

Of course Joe Hisaishi forgot. Who was to blame him? His wife was hospitalized. He had much bigger things to worry about than pumpkins and a random guy named Yato. Yukine got off the elevator on the fifth floor. It was a staff and patient only area, but hey, there had to be some perks to being dead.

Yukine made his way around the hall. There was a woman screaming in 503, but he tried not to pay attention. He rounded the corner to the 520s. Mrs. Hisaishi's door was open, and Yukine recognized the cowboy hat sitting in the guest armchair.

He took a moment to compose himself, be polite. You didn't get hospitalized for a cold. Should he disturb them? He was an unannounced guest. But one with money. He'd just speak to Mr. Hisaishi for a minute, hand off the envelope and be gone. Yukine knocked twice on the door and stepped inside.

He jumped at the sight of the woman. He expected a sick person, not a belly the size of an exercise ball. She was asleep on her side, multiple monitors hooked up to her stomach. An array of screens beside the bed displayed their heart rates: Baby A, Baby B, Baby C, and Baby D.

Joe Hisaishi stood up, walked over to the door. He looked around, evidently, he'd heard the knock but hadn't noticed Yukine yet. "Hello?"

Yukine took a deep breath. "Hello, Mr. Hisaishi!" he said.

It was Joe's turn to jump. "Oh, hello there, where did you… come from?"

"Just through the door. I'm Yukine, do you remember?"

"I'm sorry kid, Yukine, did you say?"

"Yeah- I mean, yes. I work with Yato. We met last week."

Joe paused. "Yato?"

"He bought a truckload of pumpkins from you and I have your first payment."

The man lit up at the mention of money. "That Yato! I've been staying here with my wife and I completely forgot… I was supposed to meet him earlier today. How did you find me?"

"Luck, I guess. How is your wife doing?"

"Oh, she's doing great! On bed rest, but the doctors say it couldn't be better for having quadruplets. We've just got a few more weeks until the C-section."

"Well, Congratulations. Ah…" Yukine reached into his pocket and passed over the envelope.

"Thank you. This couldn't have come at a better time. Tell Yato when you get back. What he said about being a god of fortune- I'll believe it."

"Sure," said Yukine.

He needed to go home.


	4. 4 of 4

Pumpkine!

Part 4

Yukine shivered on his way home. By mid-October, the evenings were getting chilly. He'd need to pull his coat out of storage when he got back. That, or the chill up his spine was in reflex to the talking eyeball that told him how good he smelled.

He tightened up. A few more squeaks in the shadows echoes the compliment. Small-fry ayakashi didn't usually bother him. Maybe since the sun was down, they were bubbling over with confidence. Yukine ignored it and kept walking. Home was just a few blocks away, and although Kofuku's place didn't qualify as the holy ground of a shrine, Daikoku's borderlines shooed off the little ones, and with Yato around, nothing big survived.

And then came a serpentine giant, tearing through the air- fast- directly towards Yukine. He threw up a borderline. The snake didn't stop, instead, flung its body upwards 90 degrees, shooting up like a rocket into the sky. Two shots followed, and the creature dissolved into purified rings.

Yukine spotted Bishamon, jumping between roof tops and trees after another ayakashi, and an open vent spilling even more monsters into the city. All in the direction of Kofuku's house. He took off running.

Yukine had an idea, but he still wasn't prepared for the infestation. The vent was right beside the house, and the ayakashi, a swarm of flies from hell the size of cats, covered the house, yard, and pumpkins. Yukine couldn't handle this many. Ten of them, he wouldn't have an issue, but so many that the house lit up with evil, glowing eyes? Where were Kofuku, Daikoku, and Yato? Yato didn't have his shinki to defend himself, and Kofuku would just open another vent. Surely, they had gotten out.

"AaaaAAAaAAAAAaHH! AAaaHH!"

A voice called out from inside the house. Yukine's stomach sunk. He desperately wanted it to be an ayakashi's, but it called out again. The swarm of ayakashi buzzed, their thousand glowing eyes jumped erratically in their sockets - up, left, down, to Yukine.

Now or never, he charged. The swarm split at the first borderline and was almost reformed by the second. All around him, eyes, chirps, smell!, and orange gourds ready to trip anyone stupid enough to run. Something landed on Yukine's back and sunk in its teeth. He reached over his shoulder, grabbed something that crunched and covered his hand in blight. Yukine tossed the ayakashi, followed by a line to slice it in half. Even with the house right up ahead, the swarm was furious.

He stumbled up to the porch, shaking off yet another. There was the voice again. He drew borderline behind him and hoped it would hold up.

"Yato!"

Through the living room, down the hall, Yukine ran. Was it coming from upstairs or the bedroom? No- the bath! Yukine flung open the door. Yato screamed. He whirled around with the showerhead, water on full blast, colder than ice.

Yukine sputtered, "it's me!"

The water stopped. "Yukine! Is it really you?! You came back?"

Wiping water out of his eyes, Yukine gaped at Yato. He stood in the tub with one leg stuck through the plastic tub cover, the other left up on top. The resulting pose evoked charades for mounting an invisible horse.

"What in the world happened?"

* * *

Like the much-welcomed 'we're here!' after a twelve-hour drive, morning arrived. Whatever ayakashi hadn't been slashed, stabbed, or shot went looking for rocks to hide under when the sun came out.

Kofuku's yard was more crowded than usual. Yukine sat on the front porch, ready to crash after an all-nighter. Kazuma was making rounds looking for whatever got away, and Kuniha, Akiha, and Kuraha were at work sealing up the vent. Being released from gun duty, Kazuha and Karuha had taken an interest in the yard full of pumpkins, which somehow survived unscratched. Bishamon was engaged in conversation with Yato out front, in which she issued sincere threats of violence, and Yato had a jolly good time.

For better or worse, Kofuku and Daikoku were nowhere to be found.

Maybe it was Yukine's lack of sleep, but all this felt too familiar to be real. By a delicate balance of fate and luck, Yato was still here. Yukine was still here. And Yukine wanted himself and Yato and everything else to just… stay. Except for the pumpkins.

They still needed to sell these. Well, if it wasn't pumpkins, the it would have only been a matter of time before Yato came up with something else stupid. Yato was laughing. He looked pretty dumb with one pant leg ripped to shreds.

Yukine let his head hang and eyelids droop. He almost jumped when he heard his name. The porch creaked as Kazuma sat down beside Yukine.

"What is it this time?" Kazuma asked. "Something Yato came up with, I'd guess?"

"You mean the pumpkins?" So Yukine explained Yato's sudden eagerness to take advantage of Halloween, take on the business of sell pumpkins, their utter failure at sales, and the fact that Yato had dug himself (and Yukine by connection) into debt.

"Who in their right mind would sell Yato _anything_ on credit."

"A desperate farmer with four kids on the way."

"I see." Kazuma frowned as he took in the abundant supply of orange. "If it's any consolation, it's extremely unlikely a living human could track down Yato to pay a debt."

Yukine turned a blank stare to Kazuma. Kazuma adjusted his glassed. Yukine thought Kazuma needed new glasses, since his current ones wouldn't stay put.

"No." Yukine said. "Yato's going to pay."

"I understand why you wouldn't tolerate the behavior. You've got about, what, two and a half weeks left this month? Do you have any plans on how to sell these?"

Yukine had no idea what they would do. The vent clean-up lasted until mid-morning, by which time Bishamon and her shinki were ready to head home and sleep. Except for Kazuma, who after receiving an eyeroll and 'do what you want,' stayed behind to sell pumpkins.

* * *

"First, you're cleaning! Get the wheelbarrow and pile all the damaged pumpkins out front," Kazuma declared. He grabbed the rotting pumpkin head of Kim Jong-Un chucked it into the walkway.

Indignant, Yato came running, "Hey!"

Kazuma tossed the next rotting pumpkin left on the display table. "I've found a local gardener who'll take the free fertilizer. He'll be here to pick them up in an hour."

"What are you doing? It's art, not damaged!"

"You know your biggest problem right now?" Kazuma flashed a piece of paper his pocket. "I found this stuck to the front door. Violation of City Ordinance, Fly Infestation causing a public nuisance, clean up by October 14 – that's today – or pay a 50,000 yen fine."

Yato stiffened up, brandishing an awkward grin.

Kazuma wasn't done. "Your second problem is that you foolishly jumped into selling a product for an imported holiday without any plans or consideration. Your third problem is putting yourself and Yukine into debt from gross mismanagement. Yukine!"

Yukine jumped. "Yes?"

"I'll need you to go to a garden supply shop for insecticide while Yato is cleaning. Look for bottle that attaches to the hose. Here," Kazuma gave Yukine 1,000 yen from his wallet. "You can pay me back from pumpkin sales."

"From pumpkin sales? Uh…" Yukine took the money, but not with confidence. "Okay."

In just a few hours, the rotting pumpkins were carted away, insecticide disbursed the flies, and the place was looking and smelling much better. Yukine didn't know what set him off, but Kazuma morphed into a management machine. He made a quick trip to Bishamon's mansion and brought back a laptop with cellular data, and quickly curated an extensive list of websites and forums for targeted marketing.

Yato sneered over Kazuma's shoulder. "You know I already tweeted that I was selling pumpkins and no one cared."

"Of course. Anything one of us posts online will be extremely difficult for normal humans to notice," Kazuma said. "Why don't you call Miss Iki and see if she'd like to give us a hand."

"Huh? Hiyori?"

"Bishamon hires regular people for marketing work all the time. All Miss Iki needs to do is copy and paste the advertisement I prepared, and it's a hundred times more likely people will notice. Also, it wouldn't hurt to have her redo the signs."

Hiyori was happy to come and set about her task of copy-paste. "I really hope this helps," she said.

Yukine sat at the table beside her and peaked over her shoulder the screen. "Do you think we can really sell them?"

"Maybe?" said Hiyori.

"It's a niche market, but most likely," said Kazuma.

"700 yen a pumpkin?" Yato pointed to the laptop. "No one's buying them because they're too expensive. We should sell them for five yen each."

"No. You should sell them to people who actually want pumpkins," said Kazuma. "Set the price too low and your potential customers will infer an inferior product."

"I don't think anyone in Japan wants Halloween pumpkins," said Yukine. "Anyone but Yato. They're big and heavy and carving them makes a mess."

"But there's lots of other Halloween stuff everywhere," said Hiyori. "And the Holiday Store we went to was selling pumpkins before it switched to Christmas."

"Hiyori, do you want a pumpkin?"

She shifted uncomfortably. "Me? I don't think I could carry it home."

"See?"

Abruptly, Kazuma stood up and looked out into the yard. Bishamon made her way through the gate, trailed by half a dozen shinki – all of them children. They scattered once inside the yard, running this way and that, pointing at the pyramids and different shapes and sizes of pumpkins.

"Bishamon, did something happen?" Kazuma asked.

She headed over to the house, lips pulled tight. "Karuha and Kazuha went back and told the other kids there were Halloween pumpkins for sale, and now, everyone wants to try carving them. They were so set on it, I told them they could use their allowance."

"REALLY?!" Yukine and Yato practically jumped.

Bishamon sighed. "How much are they?"

Yato piped up, "Five yen—"

"Five hundred yen," Yukine corrected him, "for a small pumpkin. Six for medium pumpkins and seven for large."

"Oh, so not too expensive," said Bishamon. "As long as the kids clean up the mess." Yato jumped out into the yard, pointing the young shinki to different varieties of pumpkin, and Yukine bit down his grin. Bishamon was hardly pleased to be their first buyer.

Then at the table, Hiyori gasped. "Look, look, Pumpkine!"

Yukine turned back to Hiyori. "Huh?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, I was thinking about you and pumpkins—you got an e-mail order," she said. "They're requesting you deliver ten pumpkins. I think it's an art studio."

* * *

Aided with the convenience of teleportation, Yukine and Yato made twenty-seven pumpkin deliveries over the next two days. The third morning, they were back at the pumpkin patch, waiting for the next customer to arrive or delivery request to pop up. Who would have guessed that a little bit of clever marketing could make such a huge difference? Yukine had quietly counted out the second payment for Mr. Hisaishi and tucked it away in his jacket.

The air was chill, but the sun nice and warm, and a rather strange thought occurred to Yukine. That maybe a truckload of pumpkins wasn't the dumbest thing Yato could have done. They were festive, cheerful, and orange. The color reminded him of the leaves, only just starting to tinge orange. He and Yato weren't going to be in debt; Yato was happy, making a mess carving a new display pumpkin; and nothing else mattered that much.

"We should have asked Hiyori earlier!" said Yato.

Yukine disagreed. "We should have asked Kazuma."

Kazuma stuck around, on and off phone to potential pumpkin buyers, and while Yukine was grateful, he imagined Bishamon might be missing him. Kazuma came to join them, a particular gleam in his eye.

"I just got off the phone with Tokyo Disneyland," said Kazuma. "They want to buy all your remaining pumpkins, and the truck is on the way."

Yukine blinked. "What?"

"Apparently, their pumpkin display got struck by lightning, and they need replacements as soon as possible."

"All of the pumpkins…" Yato was forlorn. Shoulders sagging, he loaded the wheelbarrow.

Yukine was grinning ear to ear. "We couldn't get a better deal! Kazuma got them to go for 75% retail price."

"It's not even Halloween yet! Not even close!" Yato sniffled. "I just… thought it would be fun…"

"Come on, it's not like we could sell the whole yard of pumpkins in the next two weeks anyways, even with the best marketing in the world," said Yukine. "We're getting way more money this way."

"All you shinki care about is money."

"Yato. We made a profit!" said Yukine. "We'll pay back Mr. Hisaishi, and have cash left over. We don't have to worry about selling the rest of these!"

"But… it's not even Halloween yet."

"The truck's here. Hurry up!"

The sea of orange dwindled and dried up, and the pumpkin pyramids shrunk down to the ground, leaving patches of dead, dry grass where they once stood. The truck wasn't as large as Mr. Hisaishi's delivery truck, and even then, the pumpkins only filled up half the trailer. They'd actually sold a lot.

Yato had the last few pumpkins, rolled over in the wheelbarrow. "I guess this is it."

"Yup."

Yukine took a deep breath of October air. The yard was so empty, so clean. Yato looked like his cat died. Yukine leaned over the wheelbarrow. One long, tall pumpkin. One small and fat. One big and fat. A bumpy pumpkin with green spots. A couple of smaller ones that you could carry with on hand. He picked up a bright orange one, and instead of loading it on the Disney truck, turned around and carried it back to the porch.

"We can keep a couple pumpkins, can't we? At least until November," Yukine said. "I kinda like the color."

🎃🎃🎃🎃 The End 🎃🎃🎃🎃


End file.
